Goodbye 2008

As 2008 comes to an end...

1) Where did you begin 2008?

At home, on my couch with Jeremy and Ashtyn.....missing the ball drop because NBC messed up the NYEve programming

2) What was your status by Valentine' Day.

married

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?

no

4) How did you earn your money?

watching kids, cleaning, plowing, mowing, etc

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?

Yes, Twice. 4 days after Ashtyn's 2nd birthday, Ashtyn had her first ER adventure after she fell and stuck a straw in her eye!!! Luckily there was no severe damage, she just shaved part of her cornea which healed up very quickly. I found out quick how much kids don't like it when you put medicine in their eyes..... and then in September, I got to have my happy stay at Valley Regional to deliver our newest family member, Taylor.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?

Yes, several. There was a string of thefts in town this summer as some of you may recall me cursing about. The first hit to my house they stole all the gas out of tractor, atv's and jeep, the second time they stole my f-ing car!!!! and the third time they didn't get a damn thing!!!! Jerks.

7) Where did you go on vacation?

Orleans, Vermont.....to our camp

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?

2002 Ford Explorer for Valentine's Day and a 2008 Yamaha Grizzley 700 for my birthday

9) Did you know anybody who got married?

My baby sister Julie on FRIDAY!!!!! February 8....Why on a Friday???? Because she's a pain :) I love you Julie.

10) Did you have any new additions to your family?

2, My daughter Taylor and my cousin Bailey

11) Did you know anybody who passed away?

Unfortunatly. RIP Boomer

12) Did you move anywhere?

no

13) What concerts/shows did you go to?

none :(

14) Are you registered to vote?

yes. And for the first time, I actually voted.

15) Who did you want to win Big Brother?

I don't watch it

16) Where do you live now?

New Hampshire....still

17) Describe your birthday?

Sadly, I don't remember. Being 2 days after Ashtyn's, mine just kind of comes and goes. I know I got a new Grizzley though!!!

18) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2008?

Manage to not have a nervous breakdown. 2008 was a very bad/crazy year. It seems like bad news was around every corner. In April, my step brother was in a very bad car accident, he actually just recently ended his never-ending stay at one hospital after the other, but that was not a good time to say the least. Then in June, I went for my ultrasound to "find out the gender" of my little munchkin, just to find out she didn't have a left hand and then hear that I needed a battery of other tests to make sure she was actually OK in all other aspects. When I got home from that appointment, I recieved a 2 week notice from 2 of the 3 kids I was providing daycare for, then that night had to tell my husband "hey, I lost 2 kids today, so we have no money coming in on my end and oh, by the way, we're having a girl (ha ha I win) and she only has one hand" that was a rough week. so we eventually told the family and everyone had their initial tears but was totally fine. Once we finally found out Taylor was fine and going to be a perfectly healthy, normal little girl, the fog seemed to disipate for a while. Then, two days after Taylor was born, my sister and her husband were in a terrible crash..... one of the passengers died..... a few bumps and bruises to Julie and Ryan, Rachel, a friend of ours, got the worst of the "boo-boo's", she broke her nose and had to get a zillion stitches and whatnot to fix her poor nose.... but so now Ryan is going to court for this and that's just making stuff all sorts of crazy. That's just the icing on the cake. I won't bore you with the rest.

19) What has been your favorite moment?

When Taylor was born and Ashtyn was so proud and excited to have a baby sister.

20) What's something you learned about yourself?

I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT DELIVER WITHOUT AN EPIDURAL!!!!!!

21) What was your best month?

February..... I looked hot at Julie's wedding (and I had just found out I was pregnant)

22) What music will you remember 2008 by?

none

23) Who has been your best drinking buddy?

Ashtyn and Taylor.....we get to be sober together...yippee

24) Made new friends?

The computer

25) New or old best friend?

I have no idea what I am supposed to say to that...

26) Favorite Night out?

Ummmmm When I have one, I'll let you know.

Merry Christmas

For you JOJO

5 seconds is all I'm asking

I never thought I'd see the day I was this busy. I barely have time to wipe myself, or even go to the bathroom for that matter. Anyway, since I have only a few seconds to blah to all who care... Taylor had her two month check up today (shots and all) what fun :( She did great though, she only cried for a few aggonizing seconds. Some of you may know I was a bit concerned to hear of the possibility of a hip problem last month from the orthopedic dr at Dartmouth.... well her pediatrician checked her hips today and its a gray area still. Basically her hips should allow her legs to lay flat when pressed open......did you catch that??? Picture the flats of your feet together while you lay on your back.....the sides of your knees (at least if you're a baby) should touch the floor.....well hers won't allow that. I guess that is usually a big but fixable problem. It basically means her hip is not actually in the socket, its kind of floating....however, normally when there is a floating hip thing going on, the doctor can disconnect the hip on the baby.....well he can't do that to Taylor soooooo there may or may not be a problem???? I'm lost myself.... So I'm still stuck waiting until March to have her xrays done to find out if there is a problem or not. Everyone knows how I enjoy waiting >:( But on another note..... we have her first appointment made with Shriner's.....January 14! Talk about right around the corner. I have no clue what will happen then but at least the ball is rolling. Hopefully I will have another 5 seconds in the near future to blah some more soon.

OH HOW TIME FLIES

here's a little sample of how my life has gone over the last two months.

Another awesome weekend away

Busy Busy Baby.....( I mean Toddler)

The newest pics of our adventurous weekend. We went to Wellwood to pick blueberries and say hello to the animals at the petting zoo, then went to see Daddy and "Uncle" Sam for lunch on the train and finished our weekend off with a house warming party at Uncle Greg's and Aunt Ashley's house. We are all beyond ready for a nice long nap.

Vacation time

Sorry to neglect my blog....I've been up north at camp all week having a blast. Internet access there is basically a "nice thought" but doesn't really exist. We all had fun despite the huge crazy downpour storm thing. I used the chainsaw for the second time and cut down my first tree!!!! Ashtyn had a blast riding her ATV and ours and the new tractor. We went to Louis's pig roast and saw fire works. Lots of fun in the mud and fixing the road and trails during and after mother natures wrath. We discovered our dog is pregnant. Pure bred sheppard + pure bred golden lab = me stuck with puppies......super! All in all we had a lot of fun and it was nice to do stuff as a family on our own for once (and I do mean for the first time!)

ABC's and 123's

1. Books

Assata - Assata Shakur
Baby and Fly Pie, The - Melvin Burgess
Charlotte's Web - EB White
Diary - Chuck Palahniuk, Dangerous Angels - Francesca Lia Block, Dry - Augusten Burroughs
Exes, The - Paige Kennedy
Fried Green Tomotoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe - Fannie Flagg
Girl, Interupted - Susanna Kaysen, Go Ask Alice
High Fidelity - Nick Hornby
I
JOJO's Blog (I have no "J" book and I love your blog :) )
K
L
Million Little Pieces, a - James Fry
N
One Handed in a Two Handed World - Tommye-Karen Mayer (Not what I had expected)
P
Q
Rule of the Bone - Russell Banks
Smack - Melvin Burgess
Trailer Park - Russell Banks
Unbearable Lightnss of Being - Milan Kundera (working on reading it...son't know if its good or not yet... John Cusack just won't leave it out of his movies so I figured I'd give it a shot)
Very Best Book of Baby Names, the - Barbara Kay Turner
W
X
You Don't Know Me - David Klass
Z

2. Movies

Ace Ventura Pet Detective
Breakfast Club, the
Cars
Dogma
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Fried Green Tomatoes
Girl, Interupted
High Fidelity
Intolerable Cruelty
Joe Dirt
Kill Bill
Love Actually
Monsters, Inc
Natural Born Killers
O Brother Where Art Thou
Porky's, Poor White Trash
Q
Resident Evil
Sixteen Candles
Twenty Eight Days Later
Uptown Girls
Van Wilder (its ok)
Water World
X
Young Guns 2
Z

3. Music

Ani Difranco, Alice In Chains
Bouncing Souls
Counting Crows, CCR
Drop Kick Murphys
Eels
F
Guns and Roses
Hot Hot Heat
ICP (Great Malinko)
Jack Off Jill
KMFDM
Liz Phair
Murder City Devils, Marilyn Manson
Nine Inch Nails
Operation Ivy
Poe
Queen
Rancid, Rob Zombie
Scarling, Simon and Garfunkel
Tracy Bonham, Tool, Tegan and Sarah
U
Violent Femmes
White Zombie, White Stripes
XEO3 (at least the one song I have on my playlist)
Young, Neil
Zebra Head


Any suggestions to fill in the blanks??????

I've come to realize

1. I've come to realize that my life...Could be worse.

2. I've come to realize that my job...doesn't pay enough, but allows me to stay at home with my kids.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I wish I could just teleport to my destination.

4. I've come to realize that I need...a social life.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...my ability to just up and go when and where I please.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...I'm watching the fun from the outside even though I'm actually there.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...I will BEYOND REGRET it.

8. I've come to realize that money...is the root of all evils and is not as important as it is to figure out how to live without it.

9. I've come to realize that certain people...suck and will never change.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be...negative, disgruntled and on the outside looking in.

11. I've come to realize that I would like to....get more stamps in my passport.

12. I've come to realize that my mom.... is right a lot but needs to not preach it.

13. I've come to realize that my career is...not considered a job by 99% of the world, pays about 1/1000 of what it should, is way more stressful some days than it ever needs to be and aside from the negatives it is still very rewarding.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...it was not going to be a good day. So far pretty dead on.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...I should have just put the AC in the living room and slept on the couch.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...all sorts of negative things.

17. I've come to realize that my dad...is absent more than I would have expected.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on my blog...I wonder who are the people that keep visiting it.

19. I've come to realize that today...was hot, boring, stressful and its not over yet.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...I will undoubtedly have an argument about something very stupid.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will...pack for camp and pray the weekend and my vacation next week go peacefully and I finally get the rest I need so I can get out of this awful funk.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to.... enjoy everything again and soon.

23. I've come to realize that I used the same responses on 9 and 10 as auntie JOJO since they are perfect responses. I love you Jolene :)

July 4th Weekend

Last week in the world of Ashtyn

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for:

1. My Family: They help me stay strong in my moments of weakness. Forgave me when I was being stupid. They spoil my kid(s) rotten (and occasionally myself and Jeremy too) and they help provide for my family even when I don't "need" the help. They (at least 90% of them) love me unconditionally and I love all of them.

2. My Friends: They're always there when I need a shoulder to cry on or to share in an adventure that's too "stupid" for my husband to join.

3. My Husband: Mr Fix It. He breaks his back (literally) to provide for our family. He loves me the way I am (even when I'm being an unruly bitch). And he is doing everything within his power to give our children the childhood every child deserves.

4. My Girls: Ashtyn- She is teaching me to be a good Mommy and reminding me what an asshole child I was. Taylor- She is teaching me to be thankful and not take things for granted. I hope I will be an even stronger person by learning from them. I am also very thankful that I am able to have children. My heart breaks for those who want them and cannot have them.

5. Our current finances: I am beyond grateful that I have more than most. I don't know how some weeks but we can afford all of our obnoxious toys as well as life's necessities.

6. I am able to stay home with my kid(s): I couldn't do it without NHCCRR.org and the families that allow me the privilege to watch their children. I am very thankful for all of them.

7. DHMC: They diagnosed our issue and are now doing anything they can to help with it.

8. My Home: Keeps my family warm and dry. I absolutely love my porch and backyard. I am very thankful that the 4 of us have a house and are not crammed into an efficiency apartment.

9. My Garden: I'm sooooo excited it is producing fruits and veggies. I have an incredible brown thumb and was very scared of the outcome...but now, I am psyched!

10: The Rest: My Harley and its stress relieving properties. Parents as Teachers for all their help and ideas. 21C and Easter Seals of Keene for the workshops to better educate me and help me provide better care for my kids and other people's children. Disposable diapers,XX (Dos Equis), Yard sales, Hand me downs, digital cameras, camcorders, WIC....need no explanation.

Wanna Cookie?

I'm still in complete shock. This little child, who came from my body, actually shared her cookie. It was so awesome and sweet and completely shocking. She was hanging out with me in the living room while the other kids were napping and I gave her a cookie. So she's sitting there nibbling it contently. One of the kids wakes from his nap and joins her on the floor. She looks at him and breaks her cookie in half and hands it to him "Donnie cookie?" He happily takes it. I'm beside myself with the thought that my child could be the sharing type. I reminded him to say "thank you" which he did and then out comes "you're welcome Donnie. Mommy I shared." oooohhhhh. I wish I had it on video. It was likely a moment I will never get to witness again.

Random Info

Birth defects happen all the time. I, like most others out there, just kind of assumed as long as you took your vitamins, were "healthy" and not a crack head, your child would be born "normal". GUESS WHAT!? Not so much. Birth defects are shockingly common. I snagged the info below from a bunch of different sites. The addresses for each bit of info are listed below. Anyone pregnant or thinking about having a kid should definatly check up on the scariness and reality of babies being born with birth defects.


Limb defects occur in about 1 in 2,560 births, with defects of the arms/hands being much more common than those of the legs/feet (0.36 per 1000 and 0.14 per 1000 births, respectively).

http://www.cbdmp.org/bd_limb.htm



Physical Restraint on Limb Development
Examples
Amniotic Bands
These can appear on ultrasound as a band of membranes lying within the uterine
cavity. ( Figure 1) Why they should form is not clear. One theory is that bands are
formed as a reaction to rupture of the amniotic sac in early pregnancy. The
pregnancy carries on but this band of tissue becomes attached to the developing
fetus and affects subsequent growth in that area.
Various anomalies can be caused by amniotic bands ranging from minor
constrictions of digits to cleft lip and palate.
The recurrence risk in subsequent pregnancies is negligible.

www.wales.nhs.uk/sites3/documents/416/Limb reduction defects.pdf




Limb reduction defects that were associated with known hereditary disorders (15%), chromosome abnormalities (6%), specific malformation syndromes (5%), and unclassified but familial phenotypes (4%) accounted for 30% of the limb defects identified (Table 4). In addition, 3.9% of the infants had been exposed to recognized teratogens, either misoprostol22 or maternal diabetes. Therefore, the balance (66%) had other causes, divided almost equally between vascular disruption (34%) and no recognized cause (32%), such as absent fibula.

pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/108/4/e64 - 99k




Birth defects affect about 120,000 babies born in the United States each year. Birth defects account for more than 20% of infant deaths and contribute substantially to life-long disabilities.

The causes of about 70% of all birth defects are unknown. Various occupational hazards, dietary factors, medications, personal habits, and environmental exposures may contribute to birth defects, but many questions remain about the exact nature of their influence.

www.peacehealth.org/kbase/cam/hn-1168007.htm



http://embryology.med.unsw.edu.au/Notes/skmus72.htm

Camp Trip Slideshow

It's time to potty!

"Go away Mommy! My potty" I'm just glad she doesn't know how to use the computer yet, cuz I'm sure she'd do this right back to me if she could.

Hell week

I'll try to keep in short and sweet. Its starts: I'm completely psyched for Monday. I've been waiting, not very patiently, to learn the sex of my baby. I finally got squeezed in at Dartmouth and I was just about bouncing off the walls all weekend awaiting my appointment. So I get to the hospital, with two kids and no assistance mind you, I get to the ultrasound department and get taken in almost right away. Yippee yippee. So I get in the room and lay on the bed. She starts gooping me and rolling the wand thing over my little bump of a tummy. The kids were being awesome. I hope all of you hear the vast amounts of sarcasm that I put into "awesome". So I get to spend most of my appointment not seeing my little new one's face and whatnot but telling 2 two year olds to stop lowering and raising the bed I'm on and stop trying to rip out the oxygen line from the wall, etc, etc. At this point it seems like I've been in there for hours. I'm starting to just want to know and go. She finally tells me its a girl. Ha ha ha. I win. My husband is going to cry! She finally tells me she should be about done she just has to show her pics to the radiologist. Okay see ya in a minute. So I lay there and wipe off the pounds of slimy gel. And she comes back in. I need to do some more. Okay whatever. She re-goops me and goes to town on my tummy with the 3D ultrasound. I am starting to think the 3D machine sucks cuz I can't even tell what she's looking at. Everything ok? I ask. As far as I can tell. Is the response. Bullshit.......I will soon learn the truth. So she leaves again with her newer info for the doc and before she leaves the room she tells me my daughter weighs 1 lb 13 oz and I'm 25 weeks and 5 days.....not 21 weeks 6 days like my "normal" OB thinks. WTF?!?! Whatever. So she leaves again. This time she's gone for a while. Ashtyn, my 2 year old daughter, has at this point crapped her diaper. I'm still stuck in this room. Diapers and wipes are waaaaaaayyyyy outside in the parking lot. She stinks to say the least and I'm starting to feel nauseous and embarrassed. The tech finally returns and this time with a guy. I'm going to take just a couple more pics. Super. So the guy starts rolling to wand over me and tells me he doesn't even know how to use this machine. I calm myself a bit assuming he just wants to practice and I'm the lucky sap who's on the table. So he makes small talk for a minute or two and then all of a sudden asks if my husband or anyone is with me. Uh don't you think this someone would be entertaining the kids who are trying to unplug the ultrasound machine as we speak. DUH! Oh, yeah, well I hate to tell you this but your baby doesn't seem to have a left hand. SAY FUCKING WHAT?! No I didn't say that......but that's what I was thinking. So as I slip away into the silence of shock. I only hear faint echos of the adults from Charlie Brown "waahh whha wah". After a minute or two of him showing me pics that make no sense to me they look like a yellow blob with a skinny yellow blob attached......no clue......I finally start to cry. Ashtyn looks up at me and starts to panic. She asks to come up with me so I grab her and hug her. Baby boo boo? She asks. Yeah honey, sister's gotta boo boo. And she kisses me and my belly and gives me another big squeeze. And we just lay there as the Charlie Brown noises continue. When they finally let me leave I am a total zombie. I just looked at the floor as I escorted both kids out to my car. I buckled them in and broke down bawling on the grass. This was only the beinging of my week from hell. That afternoon I received a two-week notice from one of the families I provide daycare for. I had to tell my husband the scary news of our baby girl, who by the way took it about as well as I did. I received another two-week notice from a different family on Wednesday. I also found out that day, a girl I used to hang out with went for her ultrasound and found out her daughter didn't have a brain so she had the "joy" of delivering a dead baby. I can't handle this! I just wanted to crawl into bed and die. Then the hospital called me to arrange an all-day apointment for me Monday full of High risk OB, genetic counceling, another ultrsound, possible amniosenticis. Some one shoot me please. For the rest of the week I researched online to find any info what so ever on this issue and did eventually find some relief. But then some more fear. I had to then wait until the following Monday to have my questions answered. Monday finally came and all went ok. My mother and sister went with me and Ashtyn to the hospital for round two. Luckily all else is ok with little Taylor (that's going to be her name). She definatly doesn't have her left hand and half of the fore arm is gone too but as far as we know everything else is good. So at least I can be happy about that. Can I have a nervous break down now?

Wordless Wednesday

Week Twenty-Five

• The structures of the spine begin to form -- joints, ligaments and rings. These will protect the all important spinal cord which serves as the information transmitter for your child's body.


• Blood vessels of the lungs develop.


• Your baby's nostrils begin to open. There is a study out of Belfast that suggests babies at this stage have the capability of scent preferences!


• The nerves around the mouth and lip area are showing more sensitivity now. When baby is rooting for food later on, these will be valuable!


• His swallowing reflexes are developing.


• Dexterity is improving. Your baby can make a fist and would clasp objects placed in palm.


• Your child has now obtained an approximate length of 13.6 inches (34.6cm) and weighs 1.46 pound (660gm).

Courtesty of Pregnancy.org

Welcome to Reality

My little sister, who is not really little, she's 24 now and towers over my midget ass, anyway, she called me up the other day all upset because her friend might be moving 18 hours away. I was kind of shocked she still has this dream going on for her.... that your friends stay your friends forever. I told her, " you know, I had my two closest girlfriends (and my sister of course) be my brides maids for my wedding 2 years ago.... you know how many times I've seen Sara?" "no," she responds. "Twice...you know how many times i've seen Amy?" again, "no." "Once. I get to talk to Sara if I'm lucky, once every 2-3 months, and Amy, I basically haven't heard a peep from. In two years! They are less than a 2 hour drive away from me. Amy doesn't know my daughter's name and I don't even know if she knows I'm pregnant again. People get busy. Welcome to reality." Apparently this wasn't very comforting for either of us. I pretty much realized at that instant that I absolutely detest this growing up garbage....I  still have a glimmer of hope that some friends will always be your friends but those are unfortunately few and far between.

New Slideshow

Another week has come and gone

I love and hate how time goes by. It seems like "Click" in real life to me. You want all the shitty stuff to hurry up and get out of the way but then you sit back and wonder how the hell you missed this and that. Its depressing. I whine that it needs to be payday or so and so needs to get here for their kid before I go crawl into bed and cry from being stressed out so bad and then on days like today I realize I'm now 27 and my daughter is 2. This happened within the last 3 days! I remember my 16th birthday like it was yesterday and basically none of the birthdays after that...at least until my 21st (sucked), 25th (had my daughter 2 days prior and finally got to leave the hospital) and this year the big 27, well it was yesterday...and for a few more days at least, I'll remember this birthday.......its just everything seems so fake. Like I'm still only 16 and I apparently became "one of those girls" (which explains the 2 year old and fetus) in my mind.  I just wish I could pause. At least pause her, even just slow things down a bit. I definatly want all the shitty stuff to hurry and go but I want to be able to watch SLOWLY as my little girl grows and changes. Same with the newest member when s/he joins our family on the outside. I just wish they didn't grow so fast

Week 18

These days, when your heart beats, your little baby may be able to hear it! With the bones and nerves in his ears developed enough to function, he can now hear all sorts of sounds -- from blood coursing through the umbilical cord to the rumblings of your hungry tummy. Over the next few weeks, he'll be able to detect voices and music outside the womb as well, so it's time to bust out the books and practice your storytelling skills! Your baby's growing into one smart cookie as his brain continues to differentiate into specialized regions. He may even exhibit primitive reflexes in utero -- such as recoiling when startled by a loud noise.

Courtesy of Parents.com

How do you say "No" to this face?

  



 

How is it that two years have passed me by so quickly?  Instead of the Staples Easy button, I need an Ashtyn Pause button.