I finally got it

I have tried and tried and waited and finally got it. I tried with Ashtyn and failed and she got too big and it was too late. Then Taylor was born and I figured I'd try again to recreate the pose of 28 years ago. I stuffed little Taylor into my baby dress and here it is......Its not perfect but I've finally got it.

Taylor's 4 months old today

"Grammy" (my MIL), Crystal and I took the girls down to Deerfield today. We went to Yankee Candle and then over to Magic Wings to see the zillions of butterflies. Ashtyn was a lot like me today and wanted no part of any bug touching her..... she had no idea there was one in her hair. I had to ask one of the employees to get it off her before she realized since it was likely she would accidently kill it. Ashtyn was psyched to see Christmas was still being celebrated. She wouldn't leave the christmas tree rooms. Or the toy shop either for that matter.

Pics of the Week

Aside from all the bad news over the last couple of days, we have managed to have a few good moments.

Rest in Peace Emily

With the news channels all being sucked up by the plane crash in NYC, they've managed to overlook some important local news......


1 Killed, 1 Hurt In Sunapee Crash
POSTED: 10:45 am EST January 15, 2009


SUNAPEE, N.H. -- One person has died and another person was sent to a hospital after a car crash on a town road in Sunapee.

Police Chief David Cahill said an unnamed person died at the scene of the 3 a.m. crash when a car went off the road and into some trees. A second person was taken to a hospital by helicopter with serious injuries.

Police have not released the names of those in the accident.

Investigators are still looking into the cause of the crash, but they said alcohol may have played a role.


~~~Emily Brown didn't survive the crash. Her little boy Kurt now has no mommy and my heart is broken for him, as well as for her mother Debbie and Father Gary. No parent should ever have to suffer the burial of his or her child and no toddler should ever have to see Mommy or Daddy put in the ground. I almost broke down looking at all the nice things written on her myspace page by friends when I saw a graphic she had posted. Its a James Dean quote: "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." Goodbye Emy. We love you and will miss you.

3 weeks and counting

Little miss Taylor had her first visit to the Shriner's hospital yesterday and it went really well. Thanks to the Garmin GPS I had no trouble finding the place. If my mother hadn't brought it I would have driven us to Florida for sure. Ashtyn tolerated hanging out in the waiting room pretty well. We were armed with Auntie Lisa, fruit snacks, animal crackers, a couple toys and my lap top with Shrek and Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer. All that coupled with the really cool toys and play stations that they had there, she was in heaven. Both girls slept the entire ride there and most of the way home too which made the drive tolerable. I was kind of expecting a long drawn out day full of seeing a barrage of doctors and specialists but it was really quick and stress free...which is my favorite kind of anything!!! We met with the orthopaedic specialist and were sent to see the prosthetic team who then took a mold or Taylor little hand and the day was basically done. They made us an appointment to come back in 3 weeks to get her new prosthetic and to meet with the physical therapy team and that was that. And we already have our appointment for next February when she'll get fitted and hooked up with a myo-electric prosthetic. Now all we have to do is hope these ROM exercises I'm doing with her pay off and she loses this limited abduction issue she has otherwise we could be back to Shriner's for a whole lot more :(

Goodbye 2008

As 2008 comes to an end...

1) Where did you begin 2008?

At home, on my couch with Jeremy and Ashtyn.....missing the ball drop because NBC messed up the NYEve programming

2) What was your status by Valentine' Day.

married

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?

no

4) How did you earn your money?

watching kids, cleaning, plowing, mowing, etc

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?

Yes, Twice. 4 days after Ashtyn's 2nd birthday, Ashtyn had her first ER adventure after she fell and stuck a straw in her eye!!! Luckily there was no severe damage, she just shaved part of her cornea which healed up very quickly. I found out quick how much kids don't like it when you put medicine in their eyes..... and then in September, I got to have my happy stay at Valley Regional to deliver our newest family member, Taylor.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?

Yes, several. There was a string of thefts in town this summer as some of you may recall me cursing about. The first hit to my house they stole all the gas out of tractor, atv's and jeep, the second time they stole my f-ing car!!!! and the third time they didn't get a damn thing!!!! Jerks.

7) Where did you go on vacation?

Orleans, Vermont.....to our camp

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?

2002 Ford Explorer for Valentine's Day and a 2008 Yamaha Grizzley 700 for my birthday

9) Did you know anybody who got married?

My baby sister Julie on FRIDAY!!!!! February 8....Why on a Friday???? Because she's a pain :) I love you Julie.

10) Did you have any new additions to your family?

2, My daughter Taylor and my cousin Bailey

11) Did you know anybody who passed away?

Unfortunatly. RIP Boomer

12) Did you move anywhere?

no

13) What concerts/shows did you go to?

none :(

14) Are you registered to vote?

yes. And for the first time, I actually voted.

15) Who did you want to win Big Brother?

I don't watch it

16) Where do you live now?

New Hampshire....still

17) Describe your birthday?

Sadly, I don't remember. Being 2 days after Ashtyn's, mine just kind of comes and goes. I know I got a new Grizzley though!!!

18) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2008?

Manage to not have a nervous breakdown. 2008 was a very bad/crazy year. It seems like bad news was around every corner. In April, my step brother was in a very bad car accident, he actually just recently ended his never-ending stay at one hospital after the other, but that was not a good time to say the least. Then in June, I went for my ultrasound to "find out the gender" of my little munchkin, just to find out she didn't have a left hand and then hear that I needed a battery of other tests to make sure she was actually OK in all other aspects. When I got home from that appointment, I recieved a 2 week notice from 2 of the 3 kids I was providing daycare for, then that night had to tell my husband "hey, I lost 2 kids today, so we have no money coming in on my end and oh, by the way, we're having a girl (ha ha I win) and she only has one hand" that was a rough week. so we eventually told the family and everyone had their initial tears but was totally fine. Once we finally found out Taylor was fine and going to be a perfectly healthy, normal little girl, the fog seemed to disipate for a while. Then, two days after Taylor was born, my sister and her husband were in a terrible crash..... one of the passengers died..... a few bumps and bruises to Julie and Ryan, Rachel, a friend of ours, got the worst of the "boo-boo's", she broke her nose and had to get a zillion stitches and whatnot to fix her poor nose.... but so now Ryan is going to court for this and that's just making stuff all sorts of crazy. That's just the icing on the cake. I won't bore you with the rest.

19) What has been your favorite moment?

When Taylor was born and Ashtyn was so proud and excited to have a baby sister.

20) What's something you learned about yourself?

I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT DELIVER WITHOUT AN EPIDURAL!!!!!!

21) What was your best month?

February..... I looked hot at Julie's wedding (and I had just found out I was pregnant)

22) What music will you remember 2008 by?

none

23) Who has been your best drinking buddy?

Ashtyn and Taylor.....we get to be sober together...yippee

24) Made new friends?

The computer

25) New or old best friend?

I have no idea what I am supposed to say to that...

26) Favorite Night out?

Ummmmm When I have one, I'll let you know.

For you JOJO

5 seconds is all I'm asking

I never thought I'd see the day I was this busy. I barely have time to wipe myself, or even go to the bathroom for that matter. Anyway, since I have only a few seconds to blah to all who care... Taylor had her two month check up today (shots and all) what fun :( She did great though, she only cried for a few aggonizing seconds. Some of you may know I was a bit concerned to hear of the possibility of a hip problem last month from the orthopedic dr at Dartmouth.... well her pediatrician checked her hips today and its a gray area still. Basically her hips should allow her legs to lay flat when pressed open......did you catch that??? Picture the flats of your feet together while you lay on your back.....the sides of your knees (at least if you're a baby) should touch the floor.....well hers won't allow that. I guess that is usually a big but fixable problem. It basically means her hip is not actually in the socket, its kind of floating....however, normally when there is a floating hip thing going on, the doctor can disconnect the hip on the baby.....well he can't do that to Taylor soooooo there may or may not be a problem???? I'm lost myself.... So I'm still stuck waiting until March to have her xrays done to find out if there is a problem or not. Everyone knows how I enjoy waiting >:( But on another note..... we have her first appointment made with Shriner's.....January 14! Talk about right around the corner. I have no clue what will happen then but at least the ball is rolling. Hopefully I will have another 5 seconds in the near future to blah some more soon.

OH HOW TIME FLIES

here's a little sample of how my life has gone over the last two months.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for:

1. My Family: They help me stay strong in my moments of weakness. Forgave me when I was being stupid. They spoil my kid(s) rotten (and occasionally myself and Jeremy too) and they help provide for my family even when I don't "need" the help. They (at least 90% of them) love me unconditionally and I love all of them.

2. My Friends: They're always there when I need a shoulder to cry on or to share in an adventure that's too "stupid" for my husband to join.

3. My Husband: Mr Fix It. He breaks his back (literally) to provide for our family. He loves me the way I am (even when I'm being an unruly bitch). And he is doing everything within his power to give our children the childhood every child deserves.

4. My Girls: Ashtyn- She is teaching me to be a good Mommy and reminding me what an asshole child I was. Taylor- She is teaching me to be thankful and not take things for granted. I hope I will be an even stronger person by learning from them. I am also very thankful that I am able to have children. My heart breaks for those who want them and cannot have them.

5. Our current finances: I am beyond grateful that I have more than most. I don't know how some weeks but we can afford all of our obnoxious toys as well as life's necessities.

6. I am able to stay home with my kid(s): I couldn't do it without NHCCRR.org and the families that allow me the privilege to watch their children. I am very thankful for all of them.

7. DHMC: They diagnosed our issue and are now doing anything they can to help with it.

8. My Home: Keeps my family warm and dry. I absolutely love my porch and backyard. I am very thankful that the 4 of us have a house and are not crammed into an efficiency apartment.

9. My Garden: I'm sooooo excited it is producing fruits and veggies. I have an incredible brown thumb and was very scared of the outcome...but now, I am psyched!

10: The Rest: My Harley and its stress relieving properties. Parents as Teachers for all their help and ideas. 21C and Easter Seals of Keene for the workshops to better educate me and help me provide better care for my kids and other people's children. Disposable diapers,XX (Dos Equis), Yard sales, Hand me downs, digital cameras, camcorders, WIC....need no explanation.

Random Info

Birth defects happen all the time. I, like most others out there, just kind of assumed as long as you took your vitamins, were "healthy" and not a crack head, your child would be born "normal". GUESS WHAT!? Not so much. Birth defects are shockingly common. I snagged the info below from a bunch of different sites. The addresses for each bit of info are listed below. Anyone pregnant or thinking about having a kid should definatly check up on the scariness and reality of babies being born with birth defects.


Limb defects occur in about 1 in 2,560 births, with defects of the arms/hands being much more common than those of the legs/feet (0.36 per 1000 and 0.14 per 1000 births, respectively).

http://www.cbdmp.org/bd_limb.htm



Physical Restraint on Limb Development
Examples
Amniotic Bands
These can appear on ultrasound as a band of membranes lying within the uterine
cavity. ( Figure 1) Why they should form is not clear. One theory is that bands are
formed as a reaction to rupture of the amniotic sac in early pregnancy. The
pregnancy carries on but this band of tissue becomes attached to the developing
fetus and affects subsequent growth in that area.
Various anomalies can be caused by amniotic bands ranging from minor
constrictions of digits to cleft lip and palate.
The recurrence risk in subsequent pregnancies is negligible.

www.wales.nhs.uk/sites3/documents/416/Limb reduction defects.pdf




Limb reduction defects that were associated with known hereditary disorders (15%), chromosome abnormalities (6%), specific malformation syndromes (5%), and unclassified but familial phenotypes (4%) accounted for 30% of the limb defects identified (Table 4). In addition, 3.9% of the infants had been exposed to recognized teratogens, either misoprostol22 or maternal diabetes. Therefore, the balance (66%) had other causes, divided almost equally between vascular disruption (34%) and no recognized cause (32%), such as absent fibula.

pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/108/4/e64 - 99k




Birth defects affect about 120,000 babies born in the United States each year. Birth defects account for more than 20% of infant deaths and contribute substantially to life-long disabilities.

The causes of about 70% of all birth defects are unknown. Various occupational hazards, dietary factors, medications, personal habits, and environmental exposures may contribute to birth defects, but many questions remain about the exact nature of their influence.

www.peacehealth.org/kbase/cam/hn-1168007.htm



http://embryology.med.unsw.edu.au/Notes/skmus72.htm

Hell week

I'll try to keep in short and sweet. Its starts: I'm completely psyched for Monday. I've been waiting, not very patiently, to learn the sex of my baby. I finally got squeezed in at Dartmouth and I was just about bouncing off the walls all weekend awaiting my appointment. So I get to the hospital, with two kids and no assistance mind you, I get to the ultrasound department and get taken in almost right away. Yippee yippee. So I get in the room and lay on the bed. She starts gooping me and rolling the wand thing over my little bump of a tummy. The kids were being awesome. I hope all of you hear the vast amounts of sarcasm that I put into "awesome". So I get to spend most of my appointment not seeing my little new one's face and whatnot but telling 2 two year olds to stop lowering and raising the bed I'm on and stop trying to rip out the oxygen line from the wall, etc, etc. At this point it seems like I've been in there for hours. I'm starting to just want to know and go. She finally tells me its a girl. Ha ha ha. I win. My husband is going to cry! She finally tells me she should be about done she just has to show her pics to the radiologist. Okay see ya in a minute. So I lay there and wipe off the pounds of slimy gel. And she comes back in. I need to do some more. Okay whatever. She re-goops me and goes to town on my tummy with the 3D ultrasound. I am starting to think the 3D machine sucks cuz I can't even tell what she's looking at. Everything ok? I ask. As far as I can tell. Is the response. Bullshit.......I will soon learn the truth. So she leaves again with her newer info for the doc and before she leaves the room she tells me my daughter weighs 1 lb 13 oz and I'm 25 weeks and 5 days.....not 21 weeks 6 days like my "normal" OB thinks. WTF?!?! Whatever. So she leaves again. This time she's gone for a while. Ashtyn, my 2 year old daughter, has at this point crapped her diaper. I'm still stuck in this room. Diapers and wipes are waaaaaaayyyyy outside in the parking lot. She stinks to say the least and I'm starting to feel nauseous and embarrassed. The tech finally returns and this time with a guy. I'm going to take just a couple more pics. Super. So the guy starts rolling to wand over me and tells me he doesn't even know how to use this machine. I calm myself a bit assuming he just wants to practice and I'm the lucky sap who's on the table. So he makes small talk for a minute or two and then all of a sudden asks if my husband or anyone is with me. Uh don't you think this someone would be entertaining the kids who are trying to unplug the ultrasound machine as we speak. DUH! Oh, yeah, well I hate to tell you this but your baby doesn't seem to have a left hand. SAY FUCKING WHAT?! No I didn't say that......but that's what I was thinking. So as I slip away into the silence of shock. I only hear faint echos of the adults from Charlie Brown "waahh whha wah". After a minute or two of him showing me pics that make no sense to me they look like a yellow blob with a skinny yellow blob attached......no clue......I finally start to cry. Ashtyn looks up at me and starts to panic. She asks to come up with me so I grab her and hug her. Baby boo boo? She asks. Yeah honey, sister's gotta boo boo. And she kisses me and my belly and gives me another big squeeze. And we just lay there as the Charlie Brown noises continue. When they finally let me leave I am a total zombie. I just looked at the floor as I escorted both kids out to my car. I buckled them in and broke down bawling on the grass. This was only the beinging of my week from hell. That afternoon I received a two-week notice from one of the families I provide daycare for. I had to tell my husband the scary news of our baby girl, who by the way took it about as well as I did. I received another two-week notice from a different family on Wednesday. I also found out that day, a girl I used to hang out with went for her ultrasound and found out her daughter didn't have a brain so she had the "joy" of delivering a dead baby. I can't handle this! I just wanted to crawl into bed and die. Then the hospital called me to arrange an all-day apointment for me Monday full of High risk OB, genetic counceling, another ultrsound, possible amniosenticis. Some one shoot me please. For the rest of the week I researched online to find any info what so ever on this issue and did eventually find some relief. But then some more fear. I had to then wait until the following Monday to have my questions answered. Monday finally came and all went ok. My mother and sister went with me and Ashtyn to the hospital for round two. Luckily all else is ok with little Taylor (that's going to be her name). She definatly doesn't have her left hand and half of the fore arm is gone too but as far as we know everything else is good. So at least I can be happy about that. Can I have a nervous break down now?

Week Twenty-Five

• The structures of the spine begin to form -- joints, ligaments and rings. These will protect the all important spinal cord which serves as the information transmitter for your child's body.


• Blood vessels of the lungs develop.


• Your baby's nostrils begin to open. There is a study out of Belfast that suggests babies at this stage have the capability of scent preferences!


• The nerves around the mouth and lip area are showing more sensitivity now. When baby is rooting for food later on, these will be valuable!


• His swallowing reflexes are developing.


• Dexterity is improving. Your baby can make a fist and would clasp objects placed in palm.


• Your child has now obtained an approximate length of 13.6 inches (34.6cm) and weighs 1.46 pound (660gm).

Courtesty of Pregnancy.org