Heartache

Sunday and Monday I went to Emily's wake and funeral service. I think that was the worst thing I have ever had to do. Its always an awful adventure going to any funeral but this one was particularly treacherous. There are no words that you can say to a grieving father who is staring at the box containing his baby girl. Or to the mother who tried and tried for years to produce this precious miracle child only to have her taken away from her after a mere 26 years. To a sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew, who now a have big vacancy in their lives were a bubbly and wild Emily once stood. And to a little boy, only 4 years old, will wonder for a while to come: "Where'd Mommy go?" I could barely choke out "I'm sorry". I couldn't function enough to do much more than that. As I looked at her coffin and noticed the toy monster trucks sitting there as a reminder of her adventures with Kurt to see the real ones, it took all the strength I had to remain standing and try to catch my breath. I can't imagine what the family is going through. The thought of losing one of my babies, my sister, my mother..........there is nothing that can be said. It saddens me that I had not seen Emy since I found out I was expecting Ashtyn, and that is a mistake I will not allow to happen again with my friends and family. Everyone gets so busy when they have a family and we all need to work harder at making time to see one another more often. It was nice to see, however, that in our time apart she touched a great deal of others. The funeral home barely had enough space to house all the friends that showed to pay their respects and say goodbye to our dear friend. I managed to laugh through my tears as one speaker referred to Emy's tattoos, and specifically her father's disapproval of them. I sat back and thought about her first one. Her and I were hanging out at my dad's house when we were very young (and dumb) and I gave her her first tattoo. Her mom gave me some grief about it a few years back at my wedding(it made me laugh then too). Emy and I just didn't have a care back then. It seemed like we did a lot of dumb stuff throughout our early teens. I remember the two of us getting harassed by the Claremont PD a couple of times (we obviously didn't learn the first time) for playing on the playground after dark. It apparently closed at sunset and we just decided we were going to swing at midnight if we chose to and too bad if people didn't like it. Our late night festivities at the playground ended however the night Emy was brought home to her very unimpressed father because we got caught with cigarettes underage. We had some good times :) Seeing the pictures on the monitor brought back a lot of memories I had forgotten. Jenkin's was a good one. I loved the ugly dance recital costumes. What a riot. And the tea party themed birthdays I had every year for what seemed like an eternity. Riding our bikes up and down her street for hours, flirting with cute neighborhood boys. Watching Evil Knievel when we were little and her mom used to babysit me and a bunch of my cousins. I remember being jealous of her for being in the local newspaper for hula hooping when we were little. And hanging out in her sister's room listening to Meatloaf and "Jeremiah was a bullfrog". Too many memories and yet still not enough. We should have had a lot more to come. I will miss her immensely as will everyone who knew her. Rest in Peace Em