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Please note: my blog is full of my thoughts, opinions (which are not always "right"), random things relating to my family and friends and the occasional Cut and Paste news.... whatever is important to me. I ramble on from time to time (that's the St. Sauveur in me) and at the end of whatever I wrote you may question what on earth I was thinking or it may not even make sense to you.....sorry....I warned you. You may not always like what you read (I do have an insane case of "Potty Mouth" which I try to hide on here, but it won't always happen) or what you see, but we all have our own opinions on things. Feel free to ask questions or leave comments. I do ask that you please leave your name so I know who I'm responding to. If you want to email me privately you may do so at imninstar@yahoo.com Thanks

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Heartache

Sunday and Monday I went to Emily's wake and funeral service. I think that was the worst thing I have ever had to do. Its always an awful adventure going to any funeral but this one was particularly treacherous. There are no words that you can say to a grieving father who is staring at the box containing his baby girl. Or to the mother who tried and tried for years to produce this precious miracle child only to have her taken away from her after a mere 26 years. To a sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew, who now a have big vacancy in their lives were a bubbly and wild Emily once stood. And to a little boy, only 4 years old, will wonder for a while to come: "Where'd Mommy go?" I could barely choke out "I'm sorry". I couldn't function enough to do much more than that. As I looked at her coffin and noticed the toy monster trucks sitting there as a reminder of her adventures with Kurt to see the real ones, it took all the strength I had to remain standing and try to catch my breath. I can't imagine what the family is going through. The thought of losing one of my babies, my sister, my mother..........there is nothing that can be said. It saddens me that I had not seen Emy since I found out I was expecting Ashtyn, and that is a mistake I will not allow to happen again with my friends and family. Everyone gets so busy when they have a family and we all need to work harder at making time to see one another more often. It was nice to see, however, that in our time apart she touched a great deal of others. The funeral home barely had enough space to house all the friends that showed to pay their respects and say goodbye to our dear friend. I managed to laugh through my tears as one speaker referred to Emy's tattoos, and specifically her father's disapproval of them. I sat back and thought about her first one. Her and I were hanging out at my dad's house when we were very young (and dumb) and I gave her her first tattoo. Her mom gave me some grief about it a few years back at my wedding(it made me laugh then too). Emy and I just didn't have a care back then. It seemed like we did a lot of dumb stuff throughout our early teens. I remember the two of us getting harassed by the Claremont PD a couple of times (we obviously didn't learn the first time) for playing on the playground after dark. It apparently closed at sunset and we just decided we were going to swing at midnight if we chose to and too bad if people didn't like it. Our late night festivities at the playground ended however the night Emy was brought home to her very unimpressed father because we got caught with cigarettes underage. We had some good times :) Seeing the pictures on the monitor brought back a lot of memories I had forgotten. Jenkin's was a good one. I loved the ugly dance recital costumes. What a riot. And the tea party themed birthdays I had every year for what seemed like an eternity. Riding our bikes up and down her street for hours, flirting with cute neighborhood boys. Watching Evil Knievel when we were little and her mom used to babysit me and a bunch of my cousins. I remember being jealous of her for being in the local newspaper for hula hooping when we were little. And hanging out in her sister's room listening to Meatloaf and "Jeremiah was a bullfrog". Too many memories and yet still not enough. We should have had a lot more to come. I will miss her immensely as will everyone who knew her. Rest in Peace Em

2 comments:

Jo Jo said...

That is horrible. I can just imagine the pain you felt right at this moment. Why? Because I have to go through it Thursday and Friday myself. Last night my friend Kim who is also Ashley's soccer coach (her son is on the team) and both girls' girlscout leader, lost her 17 year old son and first born (she has 4 kids 17, 16, 7 and 2.5.) in an auto accident. He was driving alone and lost control on snowy roads in Mooers, he tried to correct and ended up hitting a truck headon. He died at the scene. The others received minor injuries.

I don't know what to say to Kim. I've never had to deal with a friend losing a child. It's always been old people or people who had a terminal illness.

Kim's children were her whole world. If they had an activity, she was involved. She is DEVOTED. Her husband works with Dan at customs. The wake is going to kill me. I keep putting myself in her place, ughh.

Nina said...

That's awful. I was really hoping 2009 was going to be less awful than 2008 and so far its proving to be far worse. That's the 5th or 6th car wreck to take the life of someone under 30 this week!!! I'm sorry you have to suffer through a funeral too.